Quote:
Originally Posted by WanderingBark
I was thinking the same thing and was also concerned about the passive aggressive side. I think I have a tendency to slip into passive aggressiveness because, I feel, it's ridiculous that I have to pause in a situation like this and ask "is this okay?" especially with a person who is supposedly one of the only people in this world whom I have truly been vulnerable with  |
I hear you.
I don't know if this will help -- I try to think of it this way (not just in therapy but in general) but of course, you may experience it differently:
I try to think of it as a chance to be genuinely curious about the other person's needs and wishes -- as in, here's this other human whose life / experiences etc are totally different from mine and I wonder what he / she wants in his / her life and from this moment of interaction and with me?
So, I try to forget that I already "know" them and that the emotional dance of our interactions has been set in stone already -- as in, I try to look at them anew even for a moment or two.
Trying to look at it (key word being trying!) from such a perspective of curiosity rather than the overwhelming feeling I have (of needing / wanting / feeling like I should be getting something but what the heck and so on), just creates a bit of space inside of me.
It also lets me feel a little more empowered inside of myself -- as in, I'm no longer then just this totally helpless, passive being that is dependent on the other person's words / actions and they have total power to make or break my day based not only on what they say but also how they say it.
And, doing so also helps me feel much more like an equal in that relationship -- as in, here I am trying to understand (and potentially negotiate) what may or may not be possible between us with another human as an equal rather than taking it all in while feeling utterly powerless or impotent.
All of it is of course much easier said than done -- it's not like the intensity of the need / sense of underlying anger goes away but that the perspective of curiosity creates a few moments of openness here and there and gives me some breathing room.
So, I try as much as possible at least to make that initial foray -- ask the initial question / open the discussion so to speak, from that place of curiosity but after that of course, it can often be overwhelming to keep it up as the other person reacts and I react and so on!
Okay, I guess I'll get off my soap-box right about now!
Good luck with your event and everything T related as well!