My boyfriend (30) and I (26) have been together for almost 3 years. I love him so much! I’ve never been in relationship like this. I thought of us as a great couple. We were always honest with each other. I knew I can tell him everything and I thought he feels the same.

From the beginning of our relationship, I knew that he has high sex drive, I knew what he likes, Also, he told me that he likes to watch shemale porn from time to time. I was very surprised but I did not feel like this is something to worry about or that he is a gay or bisexual. Actually, I was very open-minded and I tried to understand it. I knew that he was saving photos and videos on his computer but it never bothered me (he watched different kinds of porn too). Anyway, we were very happy, our sex life was amazing until he got another job.

He is a sales representative so he travels a lot but every now and then he stays in the office to catch up with the paperwork. After couple of months, I found out that he was calling and texting his female co-workers. He was flirting with them, asking things like if they need help taking a shower or if they’ll cook for him and come to his house as it would be nice to “get a personal delivery”. There was some other stuff too but I don’t want to get back to it. This happen when I was away for a week. When I found out about it, I confronted him straight away. He tried to explain himself. He said he wanted them to like him because he was a new guy at that office. He also said that other guys from sales told him that if the girls from the office will like him, they will do his paperwork for him. I found those excuses really stupid as I believe there is a line between being friendly and being flirty. This situation made me feel a little bit jealous and insecure. The next month or two were just horrible. I felt like we were drifting apart. He was staying at the hotels more often as he had many trainings and conferences at different parts of the country. I knew he was going out to eat and have few drinks with his co-workers every time he stayed at the hotel. And I was going crazy jealous. I hated myself for that. Then, I realised that I couldn’t do this anymore. I either trust him or not. So I decided that these phone calls and texts were just stupid and there is nothing to worry about as he never cheated on me and I knew he would never do it in the future.

I talked to him. I told him everything, how I felt etc. He said his behaviour was stupid and he won’t do things like this again. After we talked this through, we felt much better. It was like we entered another honeymoon phase. Everything was great and I just loved how much time we spent together. Until recently…

I came across this email saying that “sissy something-something” is following him on one of the social media (I had no idea that he had that account). I checked it as I was very curious. It turned out that he was following few accounts with transsexuals posting videos and their naked pictures. But that’s not it. He talked to them, he sent them private messages saying how sexy they look and what he would do to them. This was when we had this “bad time” in our relationship. Anyway, I confronted him about it. He said he was missing sex with me so he pleasured himself while chatting with them and that he was later disgusted by his behaviour and he stopped.

I am devastated. I always knew that he liked it, I knew that this stuff turns him on but I thought it was just a fantasy. But he took it to another level. I do not know what to do. I feel really bad with myself. I did some research but there is not much about it. Only some forum posts from confused girlfriends and heterosexual guys confessing that they like this stuff too. And I must say, most of the girls were not okay with their boyfriends watching this kind of porn. And I was so understanding with my boyfriend. I knew it was just a fantasy, something that will never happen but now… I do not know what to think anymore. He says he’s sorry. He says it was stupid and that he doesn’t know why he did it. But it is not just about him sending this kind of messages to shamales (or like they want to be called sissies). It is about him wanting other people than me and taking his fantasies to another level. It’s no longer something that he only thinks about. He actually connected with other people. I am hurt and devastated. I have no one to talk to because I don’t want to embarrass him to my or our friends (he never told anyone about his fetish). For this reason, I decided to register here and talk to someone. I’m sorry, I know this post is very long but I’m hoping that someone will read it and reply. Thanks!