why do i sometimes feel compelled to try to explain something that is just confusing me and dont understand..
i just wanted to make people not worry and know that everything is ok and that ill be fine... but im so stupid sometimes, why do i ever think that people could understand?
i dont even really remember saying that much about the stuff but it seemed i totally freaked mom out, she said that i have spirits inside of me trying to control my life even.. i think this was yesterday...
i just thought if someone else could tell me whats happening maybe it would make sense... maybe they could help the doctor with me... i guess i've always had a weak spot for telling mom things... cant do the same mistake over and over though, ill figure it out on my own...
blah, i forget so much all the time that i cant remember what ive told someone.. and maybe ive said too much and the normal people can remember stuff and putting it together and making assumptions or ...
im just not gonna talk about it anymore... what the hell was i thinking?
end up just making yourself look crazy... think maybe i am crazy though... just didnt want anyone else to know...
sorry for freaking you out mom... dumb
now she probably thinks im schizophrenic or psychotic.. i remember her saying it sounds like it when she said the thing about spirits controling me (demons or whatever..)
god i feel so stupid sometimes, why do i do these things

i hear a lot from people that i just need to go to church... god will take care of me and protect me and all i need is god and prayer and blabla...
but im not even going to talk about religion because i dont want to offend anyone...

im not going back to any church... no one can protect me besides me... but sometimes even i suck at that
but whatever, im used to it..

no more talky :/
one day im gonna wake up from this dream...
urgh.. sucks to be going through this alone...
im so crazy...
trying not to write much here because im really ashamed...
letting myself get out of control... or not being able to control things, im just so tired

maybe writing these stupid posts makes me feel better some how... i dunno why i write anything though.. dont really care about talking about my problems... its... cant help anyway so whatever.. just make myself look stupid you know..? im gonna go smoke a cig
just ignore me - ranting for some reason