Hello Claire: The Skeezyks doesn't know that he has much of anything in particular to offer with regard to this. But I wanted to let you know I read your post. Thanks for striving to be a friend to this person. Yes, some people simply feel so empty inside, & have so little self confidence, they feel they must subjugate their own needs & wants to those of others. And, yes, it's a lot of work to do this all the time.

I'd have to say I don't know that there's much you can do here especially since, as you say, you've become sort-of an old friend rather than a new one. I think about all you can do is to keep in touch... keep the lines of communication open so your friend knows you're there for her. Be available to talk with her & support her if-&-when she wants it. At some point, she's likely to tire of always trying to be someone she's not in order to please others. When that time comes she'll need someone to offer support. At least these are my thoughts...