I used to say this to T.
I think it's a mixture of things - for me anyways - partly because I was manipulated by my mother who was a great manipulator.
Also, as new ways of seeing the things in my life began to happen, it did feel as if that was being orchestrated from outside of me, rather than inside of me because I'd grown to mistrust life, people, anything other than my childhoods 'party line'.
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