ubicaritasetamor,I am so sorry you can't afford to see the doctor.I hope you find work that helps you feel secure cos that seems to be one of your biggest worries at this time.If you can confide in your friend that may help ,he may be very supportive.Please reach ou to the telephone helplines if you ever come near to hurting yourself.Someimes we are not thinking rationally and we need to talk to someone to get our heads straight.You are a good young man and your life is valuable and you deserve to live so please take care and stay safe!I wish you all the best.Marylinx