I am going through the same struggle and, for me, I really think that I need to tell her in person, directly to see her reaction. I think it important for me though it will be so so hard. I have told her in via email and the subject has come up but, like you, I don't feel that she sees how much I am hurting. I think she is sad too, she has said she is, and maybe she is trying to block her own sadness so that is why I am sensing mixed things. I want to see her sadness as I show mine, looking in her eyes, that would be powerful. I can only try. Good luck with whatever you decide.