There is a middle ground -- lots of in-between. That is what regulating emotions is about. It isn't about completely controlling emotions, but it is about being able to experience them and vent them in ways that is actually helpful rather than overwhelming and traumatizing.

So perhaps what you need to find is that in-between emotional experience that can truly be helpful. I was VERY controlled in emotions for many years, but I have learned how to express and experience strong emotion without events as out of control as those I spoke of. Those were instances that were truly too much . . . they went too far . . . and they were actually traumatizing in themselves. It doesn't have to be that way (and usually wasn't for me thank goodness), but you know the old saying: "Be careful what you ask for."