Thanks Angela. I am downloading the file now that you left in the pm. The poem was appropiate. I am "all faith" so I do as you said and interperate it as I feel moved.

My therapist call me back with some rather unsettling news. She even told me she would understand if I told her to F off and slam down the phone. What she said was that as I get better I grow less tolerant of emotional pain. This means that I become upset over much smaller things. So though it feels like I have made no progress I actually have made emense progress because I will not tolerate more and more pain to be piled on top of me without my doing something about it. Unfortunately I will feel just as...um put an expletive here...as I have been for awhile but eventually things will be ok. But she reminded me that "life is suffering." ARGH! I hate that Buddhist truth.

As far as my desire to self injure today after the blood draw she reassured me that self injury for me is an old habit that is hard to let go of even though now I am no longer in a hopeless situation because I am able to find other ways to make myself feel better, such as actually call and talk to her. Blood is a private thing for me, something that I used to soothe myself and when someone else took that from me it irked me. I think that is pretty close to the mark.

It was weird talking to her for so long on the phone. She said it was ok though. She said I should call her again if I needed too. She said I didn't bother her.

Anyway, I am feeling better. I even got some house work done.

I am going to go now.
Thanks again.
Carrie