Hi Caelix,

I completely understand and respect your wanting to push through this, to not wanting your medication "back up there"................but considering how bad you're feeling/what you're having to experience..........I'm just thinking that there may be other options if you could find it in yourself to tell your doctor.............
Maybe the lowering of your meds was done a little too quickly, so perhaps if they were increased a bit, and then gradually much more slowly reduced.......maybe there are some other meds, with less side effects, you could be prescribed to gradually replace the one's being reduced, maybe a different mix of meds could over time help more..............??
But, at least, please have a think about it/about telling your doctor??

And the fact that none of the meds you've tried have helped that much so far..........doesn't need to mean that none will help
Sometimes it can "just" be a journey to finding the right meds or the right combo, I know that doesn't really help right now , but............

And I'm sure a lot of people can relate to what you said about putting on a front for others/IRL
Although it really is good that you've managed to share so much about what with us.........kudos and thankyou............
Maybe there could be one or two people you could open up to more IRL?? But if not right now, then at least you're here, and lots of support on here

Alison