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My parents are fighting again. And my mom is once again not eating because of it. I'm so tired of this! You know what, my stomach hurts all the time when I eat, but I still eat! She's going to waste away. I wish he would just figure out if he wants to stay or not. I'd ask how much pain one person can cause a family, but I figured THAT out four years ago. When does it all stop? When does the pain stop? It's just so much...this is why I'm so scared to talk about my repressed emptions. If I start to feel again, I get hurt again. I'm just not sure it's worth it...[emoji24] I think I'd rather be numb. The hurt is worse that not loving or feeling love. It's not like I know what that is anyway. Sorry, couch. I'm rambling.
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There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life. 
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