Quote:
Originally Posted by StressedMess
My bonus kid is having similar feelings, DF. Her dad is in ICU on life support for the last 3 days. She went to visit and her distant relatives were crying and sad, and she feels nothing. She thinks she's shut herself off from feeling anything for so long she's forgotten how. She asked me if that was normal. I asked her if we'd met? I'm the farthest from normal in our house!
Feelings are scary.
(((DF))) hopefully it resolves soon.
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They really are. I honestly haven't felt anything good in four years, and I shut myself off. My psychologist always asks how I feel, and I'm like "Honestly? I don't really feel anything." Says I keep my emotions so close to me, I don't let them go. It's complicated. But thus has been going on for months. If he wants to divorce her, fine. But we'd be better off if we knew because it would be one less moment of pain and we can help her heal. But no! Can't do that! Thanks, by the way. I hope it gets better, too.
Now my stomach hurts. Another night of forcing my food down. I'd waste away if I didn't know better and deal with this a lot. I'm not even excited for graduation anymore. I'm just tired.
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There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This
is, and will always be my life.