I need to write this, since my frustration is becoming a huge part of my everyday life. I cannot deal with this anymore.

My life feels like all of my worst nightmares coming true. I've always been different than most of my peers: not as flexible, pretty compulsive, weird. My school achievements were also pretty messed up.

I live in Poland and believe me that our - constantly changing - schooling and grading system is not something any country could be jealous about. I lived in England as a 11 year old, attended a secondary school there and it's nothing like that here. Here, there's no individual approach to the students, we were just a grey mass that had to follow stiff rules. You either did or you didn't if you didn't, you were stupid and worthless. The written rules are all that matters. We didn't learn by practice, just by memorizing a huge amount of unneccessary information that we didn't exactly understand.

I was kind of okay in primary school, then in the middle school, even though I was already struggling with passing Maths and Chemistry. Then high school came: I was the best student in the whole school when it came to foreign languages and writing, my Polish essays were the best my teacher's ever seen. But my Maths grades were - despite having two private teachers - too bad and I graduated later than most of the people. I was generally struggling at high school, because I couldn't deal with frustration and feeling worse than everyone else, my rage started to kick in, my behaviour was messed up and terrible.

But okay, I took this internal exam and graduated. But that also meant that I had to take my finals a year later than everyone else. Most of my friends passed them and went to university, even the most lazy people who didn't care about school at all, but they were cunning enough.

Our final exams here are pretty weird, because they're designed by a completely separate organization that has no good insight about the way students are taught and the exam formula is changing completely every few years, the rules are changing too. For example, this year there were students sitting in one room, some writing exams in an old formula, some completely different ones in a new formula, but - when it comes to university recruiment - they're grades are treated completely the same.

In order to be able to participate in a university recruitment, you need to pass obligatory exams: Polish, Maths, English (However Maths became obligatory only few yrs ago). You can also take another exams, which are optional. Everyone usually passes Polish and English, but the Maths one is on a completely different level.

So I took my finals a year ago - when my peers were already on their first year of uni - and passed with 100% in Polish, 100% in basic English, 95% in extended English, 40% in Philosophy and 60% in Biology, which is far upon average and opened me the door for almost every university in the country.

But I didn't pass Maths. I didn't pass it for the first, second and third time. The exams are getting worse and worse every year, now it's mostly analytical geometry and geometry is something even my teacher couldn't teach me.

I'm three years behind of everyone. I already isolated myself from people in the feeling of worthlessness and total anger two years ago. I was working in a local shop for a year and now I need to look for another job in sales, which is a dread for me.

The third exam was yesterday. I don't know the results yet, but from what I've checked on the Internet, I made many mistakes and won't get enough points.

Frustration is something that literally kills me. And people here are full of hatred, not passing this particular exam makes you weak and an idiot. Usually, even the most dumb people manage to pass this and they go to uni with their results of 30% in everything.

I'm stuck in life, because I have nothing else to do. My family does not support me, the only thing I can do is to get some job in sales. But working in a shop for the rest of my life is something I cannot imagine. It's too overwhelming for me. I'm too slow and can't stand being around many people for 8-10 hours a day. I have no options about what to do.