Hello Hans_Olo: I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. I'm an older person. But I have a similar problem with my wife. She really doesn't want to know anything about my mental health struggles. All she wants (& all she wants to hear about) is for me to be happy... whether I am or not. She really doesn't care what's going on, on the inside, as long as it doesn't show on the outside. She doesn't tell me I'm killing her. But she takes on this air of what I'll call: "frustrated concern" anytime I seem to be not doing well. (She probably doesn't even realize she's doing it...)

I don't really know what one does about this. My answer has been to simply hide what's going on with me as much as possible. It's tough because I don't see a therapist or have friends I can talk to. Occasionally my wife will sense that I'm "under the weather" so to speak. She'll ask me if I'm okay. I just say: "Yes." or: "I'm just tired." I know she doesn't really want to know. She just wants me to reassure her that I'm okay. So that's what I do. One thing I find is, if I keep busy, that seems to satisfy her I'm okay. So I try to have something going on most of the time.

You know, of course, you are not responsible for how your mother feels. It's not your responsibility to radiate happiness just because she chooses to try to guilt you into a state of outward happiness. She's holding you hostage by telling you that if you don't shape up it's going to kill her. When you think about it... that really is dreadful! On the other hand, I do believe that those of us who struggle with mental health issues have to realize that the people around us... both family & friends... have their limits in terms of how much of our mental health issues they can endure. So be it through therapy, psych med's, or just gutting it out day-in & day-out, or some combination of the three, we have to find a way to avoid overburdening them with our depression, anxiety, or what-have-you.

Anyway... these are my thoughts with regard to your dilemma. Thanks for posting this. It made me think...