you say: I did talk wih her this morning and it seemed to work better. but she still seems too framed with her manuals and slides on how to work with BPD patients. its like she is treating someone with BPD rather than ME with BPD. does it make any sense?

Isn't DBT a fairly structured therapy protocol. Maybe that contributes to your feeling that the therapy isn't focused enough on you who happens to have BPD but on BPD in general.