I am scratching my head at all this...

I am not a simpleton by any means, and I don't want to trivialize what you feel. But.

You're really over analyzing yourself, her, and your relationship. Just my own opinion.

Why not let go of all of that and simply love her and don't question why she's doing what she's doing and what effect it has on you?

When you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with all of them, not parts of them.

I don't think that what you're doing is good for you or your relationship. And frankly it shouldn't be this much work.