Sorry I'm just now responding. I have been too exhausted with tears to exert any energy reading and, especially, responding to threads.

Today was not particularly horrible. I spent until noon crying and thinking about things like who will put up the outside Christmas decorations that my children adore if I don't have my husband to do it and how in the hell will my children get past this. My heart is absolutely broken. After that however, my aunt took me and my kiddos that didn't have school (public schools where I live are always out for Oaks day) out to lunch and then we went shopping. She told me to spend money without asking my husband (not like hundreds of dollars or anything, just enough to enjoy shopping--turned out to be only $10). I normally always ask him if it is okay to buy anything (except the times I've been particularly manic). I have exerted some authority about the situation, letting him know that he isn't in charge here and that this isn't going to be a seamless transition. He doesn't like it at all. He is expecting me to be entirely submissive without considering it is he who is leaving.

Tonight my husband is going to keep my children and I'm headed to my mom and dad's to watch the movie war room which I've yet to see but my therapist consistently tells me to see. Anything that keeps me distracted is a good thing.

Also, I saw my therapist yesterday and she gave me wonderful, sound advice as well as supporting me.

As soon as my husband could put his cell phone under his own name, he did. He wanted to make sure no one had access to his records. I am still having difficulty trusting him. Like my therapist said, you don't go from "I'm willing to try couples therapy" to "I want out ASAP" unless there has been a major change such as an affair.

Tonight, he went to "Sams Club" and told me he would "probalbly be stuck in heavy traffic on his way home." If it weren't for the other issues it is a probable situation (and may still be) but now I feel suspicious about everthing.