I get really beautiful euphoric hypomanias where i really like myself. This is in contrast to the self-hatred i feel regularly. I have boundless energy and optimism. I'm reckless with money and run-down my hard-won savings with wild abandon. I take on projects i can't possibly finish. Then i crash when i realize it was all just a dream and switch back to depression.

I've only had one psychosis and it was pleasant. Remember, psychosis simply means 'loss of contact with reality.' It doesn't necessarily mean anything negative or violent. During my psychosis i thought i had become sacred in a religious way and should not go out in public or people would see it and try and hurt me in the same way that famous people are sometimes assassinated. I just stayed inside for a month and enjoyed my sacred self in my home and dashed out to the corner store for food occasionally. I had a nice time.

Is there some reason you don't want to accept a bipolar diagnosis? I had a hard time accepting that i have traits of borderline in addition to bipolar because at the time it meant you were a manipulative woman and the prognosis was dim. Now that there's more understanding i don't mind so much.