I totally feel you.
I'm in constant corrosive denial.
It's not that I don't want to be bipolar(though I wish I was less of a screw up) or that I find something wrong with it... It's just that in my head it doesn't fit. I can't consolidate what I rationally really know about the disorder with my own disorganized(disablingly disordered) behavior. I long for a definitive diagnosis. Every time I get one I think I need more proof. I get it. Rinse repeat(repent)

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