um.. do any of you know anything about programming..?
how would you know if someone put those programs into your mind..?
im scared some how im triggering one... and its wreaking avoc on me...
i just dont remember being programed... it feels like your mind doesnt want to function...
like it just wants to do everything to work against you.. im so disconnected... its hard trying to think of words to write.. um.. i just was thinking its like when your computer gets a virus and starts running programs on its own.. um.. my programs being over run, im separating myself from it... but i can still feel it... im a puppet just mocking words right now grrr
>.< i dunno what to do, im scared but its a part of me in the corner while im sitting here trying to be ok for the world feeling mostly numb but empathetic and i just feel hurt inside... im really depersonalized... apparently... i have that feeling of just spinning in circles... dizzy but you keep spinning... urgh...
i cant keep up with whats happening around me...

this why they say i have somatization probably, it hurts you know... sometimes i feel like i've been hit by a train over and over... i hate confusion, i want to stop being confused so i can just chill out... i guess it will have to get better... but i think that its always been like this.. i just never really cared or thought different of it or something.. so i dunno what to think :/
um... wow i get off topic easy :/ just was wondering about programs that are set to trigger or whatever... maybe its why im so confused... but i dunno... thats probably stupid thought but it just doesnt seem ok to feel like this... just cant figure it out though.. i dont even want to figure it out anymore you know i just want it to go away, why wont it leave me alone