Hi Joe,
Thank you for sharing. Please, consider this: you may have clinical depression. I mean you may have a severe depression. That means that you have a mental health condition and that maybe you can benefit from medication plus therapy, but it is going to take time and that depression could be with you forever, with ups and downs. For many of us here things are in this way. Also, you could have a physical condition contributing to your depression. Perhaps you could look at it. I had anemia and hypothyroidism and those illnesses were inadvertently impacting on my behavior. I have currently osteomyelitis and also this affects my behavior, yet I have depression but it is important to consider my osteomyelitis when evaluating my depression. Chronic osteomyelitis can make you feel tired and that can trigger depression, for example. OK, sorry if I am giving you too many useless details, it is just to illustrate and for you to consider as many factors as possible.
About weed, personally I am not against weed. But I am not sure if it is helpful to you given your condition right now. I was told weed would be good for me ( I have muscle spasms) but it did not work for me. But if weed worked, I would take it, definitely.
On the other hand, being overwhelmed can sink you in depression. Conversely, depression makes us feel overwhelmed because of even the stupidest things. Depression works in misterious and awful ways. We do not know what causes depression, or, maybe it would be better to say that causes and consequences of depression are confusing. It is real that you are facing various challenges (including your mom passing away recently) and those challenges could cause your depression. But, from another perspective, depression is a ****** that prevents you from reaching the tools you otherwise would have to face those challenges successfully. It is like depression causes an imparement.
What I want to say is that we should not underestimate the power of depression. Regardless depression's causes, Depression seems to be something that grows inside us and then has a life on its own and works against us.
Sorry I am being obscure, English is not my mother tongue.
OK, hope this is helpful.
I am sending you a hug