My manic episodes start with total euphoria, inflated ego..basically being on top of the world. It's intoxicating. I'm sublimely happy, need very little sleep, I have huge bursts of creative ideas and activity and I act very impulsively, which isn't how I usually act. ...but the mania eventually devolves into paranoia, severe anxiety and panic. I get severe mood swings and bursts of horrible anger for no reason, and my irritability is off the charts. My mind races will a million different thoughts that get all tangled with each other and I find it hard to make sense of them. It feels like a war going on in my head. Sometimes my episodes last several weeks, sometimes several months.

I didn't get properly diagnosed until recently. I've suspected I was bipolar for a long time but avoided psychiatrists for a very long time. I also have a family history of bipolar. I was always afraid of the diagnosis. So I tended to self medicate with alcohol and other substances when I was manic. When I met my first psychologist here in Sweden she immediately was convinced I was bipolar without me ever mentioning it.