Applying the trigger icon tonight. I am completely falling apart and I can't stop myself this time. I had a session today and have another one tomorrow.

Although, why bother? T forgot I even had one tomorrow. After our long discussion last week about how I need more from him for awhile...he said 'he forgot' and I almost imploded. So I'm forgettable now? Nice.

I was so mad at him for that tonight I could've thrown something at him...I think I even said I felt like hitting him and he said something about not being into pain...

I am tired of being forgotten or insignificant to him. Forgotten also by my husband (which I couldn't care less about anymore), father, brother, etc. I'm tired of my feelings being minimized or ignored like in my p-docs office yesterday.

I had major side effects on Lamictal so wanted to switch to Topamax and we did that because she said 'it is clear that being on lamictal is quite worrisome to me'....biatch. Oh forget the little rash that appeared and the fact that my moods are AWFUL.

Also, My dad arrives on Friday and it will be me, him and my son all day alone plus all weekend. Great. I have finally moved forward on my plan to begin my new life, it is a slow start and T and I talked about it for a bit.

I can't go into the details here but I'm not doing so in the healthiest way but it is my way and what I need to do right now to save my sanity.

I certainly can't keep calling T between sessions and having them ignored or forgotten can I? I didn't tell him that part but you all know that here.

I can't imagine why I'm posting this here in this state. I haven't felt this desperate in a long time...

I truly hope you are all well...truly