Hi, everyone. I posted this originally in the OCD forum before I learned there was a forum for sexual thoughts. I think it might be a better fit here. I don't know if this is considered cross-posting or if it's a no-no. If it is, I apologize. I'm new to message boards in general. Here's my situation:

I'm a 41 year old male that's on 30 mg of Prozac for anxiety and 50 mg of Seroquel for obsessive thoughts.

My biggest issue lately is having sexual thoughts about my female friends. I usually keep them quelled up inside and I've even made a passworded file on my iPhone to write them down in to get them rattling around my head. On Monday I was texting with a friend of mine (who I thought was a friend, I guess) and I she was giving me a pep talk about going after the things in life I desire. I told her I couldn't because I desire her and she's already said no, so technically if I did it would be....(and I can't even type the word).

I don’t have r--- fantasies. I think it’s abhorrent and I would never do anything like this in a million years. That’s not why I’m posting this. I don’t know why I texted it to her and I wish I could take it back a million times.

Her reaction was completely…I don’t even know what to say. She totally flipped out. She told me my preoccupation with sex wasn’t healthy and said I should get a therapist. I told her I have one. I told her I struggle with this and I’m doing my best. She replied:

“You don’t respect yourself. You don’t respect other people. You live a charmed life. You need to get a life and meet other people. You have no clue. Get a clue. You’re immature. You’re 41. Grow up. Have you ever wondered why people don’t ask you to do things? I’m done wasting my time on you. I’m blocking you so you can’t text me again. Don’t ever contact me again. !@#$ off.”

I should mention that other people have told me she’s rude and unkind, and I know she once spent a night in jail for assaulting her ex-husband.

I’ve been suffering under huge amounts of guilt and shame for the message I sent her. I didn’t mean it, and I was in a fit of depression when I did because I had just seen my therapist and was struggling about how OCD and anxiety has affected my life. I spent the night in tears. I’m only just now starting to feel better about it, and this is four days later. I deleted/blocked her from my phone, but part of the problem is we both belong to the same gym, and I know I’m going to face her eventually. I’m really scared that she’ll cause a scene and tell people that I have r--- fantasies, or that my parents (especially my mother, who can’t handle any discussion of sex at all) will learn that so many of my obsessive thoughts are sexual.

Can anyone offer me any advice about this? I know that I’m a good person at heart, but I really struggle with this, and how a “good person” wouldn’t have these kinds of thoughts. Should I be glad that she’s out of my life? My main problem is the gym we both belong to is kind of my sanctuary and I can't shake the feeling that I've wrecked it for myself. That she's going to tell other people what a terrible person/pervert I am, and that they're going to kick me out.

Thanks for reading,
Boatie