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I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. I don't understand God either, and I don't think humans really ever can, but I know He's good, and I know whatever He's doing is for the best, even if it doesn't seem fair. I hope that's ok for me to say. None of us are perfect Christians—all we can do is our best, and I know God sees our struggles. I'm praying for you right now. I hope you find peace.
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"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." -CS Lewis, the Screwtape Letters
Teen with (probably severe) depression
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