Marguerite
I'm sorry you are going thru all this.
I have been thru the awfulness of friends family work and SOs not understanding, not believing, being suspicious, accusatory, giving up, leaving, telling me I'm just overly dramatic, lying, no good, get it together, picking fights, causing problems, uncooperative, insubordinate, abusive, overly emotional, down right crazy and not worth it. Hearing ppl you love say horrible things to you never gets less hurtful. In a perfect world suffering would not have to exist and all love would be unconditional. *sigh. I know you know that you are not those things and I know it's hard to not let others get you down and doubt yourself....but I have found that even tho it never is easy and outsiders mostly won't understand and other parts of ourselves can and will get outta line.... at our core we are not bad. We are not liars. We are not untrustworthy. We are good ppl, strong, and resilient...even if we can be non fuctional and chaotic at times The truth is yours and yours alone. No one else can define you, anymore than you can define them. The truth of this Dx is not much different than any other human who suffers with any long enduring pain... at the core somewhere is a very frightened being who has and is doing its best everyday to stay alive and move foward and try to find someplace in this large intimidating 'verse to call home. Feel safe, needed, loved, useful, content, and whole. Before we could even remember we learned that no one was gonna be there for us so we built our own defenses, home, and family. Whatever happened origanionally to make us this way is terrible, but instead of being stuck as victims, we became our own saviors..."..and that makes us mighty."