Maybe you're right, I don't know. It does feel like the important stuff *IS* the very fact that I am projecting all this stuff onto him. And I want to be able to get knee-deep into that. But without offending him or scaring him, or freaking myself out. It's terrifying, frankly. The human psyche can be a dark place.

He has 40 years of experience, though. I tend to think that he has seen it all. I just have a lot of trepidation about how to proceed. And with my history of abandonment, attachment issues etc, the navigation can get a little tricky. It doesn't take a lot to turn me from a bright, thoughtful person to a hopeless, bottomless pit of need who feels completely unlovable. The fact that I have already imagined him to be an amazing father who dotes on his children and uses his paternal superpowers to build strong, resilient daughters (unlike my own dad who basically forgot about me after age 2 when he moved 2000 miles away), means that I obsess over the smallest compliments doled out, and use them for my own self-fortification. If I can get this person to like me and believe in me then maybe I will be ok.
But I agree with you. It is a bit of a dangerous game for certain types of people who happen to have some more intense emotional needs. The potential for heartbreak is staggering.