This past week I had some serious revelations. I'm 21 years old (female) and took until now for me to see some things that have happened in the past. I saw my T on Friday and told her about it. We "put it in a box" and I'm not supposed to take anything out until next Wednesday, when she can help me process it. We're doing this because it has been invading every single thought. Even know, the image of a purple tinted storage container is flooding my mind, not even the direct thought.

So yes, I'm breaking the rules for right now. I don't want my thoughts about what happened to be a lie, because it feels very ambiguous. I'm going to tell my story, so just know that the next few lines may be triggering for some.

When I was 8 years old, my neighbor was 13 years old. We'll call her R. She and I used to have a lot of sleepovers and played all the time. I also had two other neighbors, J and G. J was 12, G was 9. The four of us played all the time, especially house. One time I remember R made me suck on her breast as if I were the baby. J and I had to pretend to have sex. Granted, I was 8, but I had been exposed to sex way too early in my childhood because of my parents. I think this is part of the reason why I never thought of it as a big deal. Other times, R would make me and my little sister, 4 yo, drop our pants to prove to her that our vaginas weren't growing into penises. I remember more specifically her doing it to my sister. At this point, I can't remember if we were ever touched down there.

This is most of what I remember right now. I remembered these things literally this week, so it's possible there's a lot more to my story.

So based on these facts, is this considered sexual abuse? Molesting even though it was me on her breast? Is her just looking at us sexual abuse? I have so many thoughts and confusions, but honestly I think I'll be able to rest easier knowing what exactly this was.