Today i woke up today and felt really out of sorts i had a headache and felt really exhausted i don't know if this is medication depression or what but i have no appointment scheduled with my psychiatrist though she said shed schedule one.the relationship with my boyfriend is not going well he showed his temper the other day got mad cause my friend told him not to lean back in his chair then and told him when he didn't .he said shes always picking on him .i told him to let it go cause hes the only one whose angry and he snapped at me. this ruins my mental health and your telling me to let it go.finally things went back to normal but then he was like later in the day you don't want to know what I have in my pocket .and im like i know what you have in your pocket .condoms.so i asked him is he a virgin and he said no.and i thought to myself do i need to get a condom in case he wants to have sex with me.i asked the cousenlor and they said it was to soon in are relationship to be thinking about that weve been together for barely a month. I also thought i wanted my first time to be special and it didn't seem like it might be special anymore if we did decide to do that.plus my boyfriend has autsim bipolar and adhd so he has a lot of energy lack of communication skills and possibly anger issues so i don't know what I want to do as far as moving on because hes really sweet but it can be annoying the poking at me also i think i may be bi after all this which i have to keep secret cause if my parents found out theyd not believe it or shun me.with all this going ive been severly depressed and cutting to the point were ive had to stop myself from cutting to much before i cut a vein.i realize it's getting out of control but i cant ask or tell anyone out right that i am suicidal cause i did have a plan and they will use that to throw me in a hospital locked.so i decided i need to get to crisis home and the only way to do is to pretend to cut my wrist. Not going to actually do it but i am going to call a crisis line on day of and give them an ultimatum.

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