if you are trippin your selve out, how do you stop?
how do you make thoughts stop that you cant seem to get out of your head?
those thoughts that just pop up... seem like harder i try to ignore stuff the worse it feels.. but not ignoring things doesnt help either...



i've been living a lie... lies...
i dunno how to be myself, i dunno..
never was able to be myself for people... now i feel really alone because no one knows me, they just know... the one they know... what a bad feeling...
i can be who ever you want me to - it seems, just not me
maybe i cant let people get to know me because i dont know myself...
i feel so bad.. this confusion just makes me wanna get drunk..
its ridiculous.. im frustrated... annoyed... worried... scared... and if i keep stating more ill feel ... stupid grr... already feel stupid
but its driving me crazy because im feeling too much... but it is strangely empty and full... i cant make heads or tales of things, and im not sure there is even a coin to flip... know what i mean?
i feel like its dragging around with me... and all i want to do is drop it and leave it alone but im chained to it..
im floating around a timeline or something... and it seems ill go through a filing cabinet in just seconds and i just get dizzy... all im trying to do is chill out and... nothing, just dont do anything.. but grrr...
just messin with myself, and some reason its funny to it and... pissing me off...
i just wanna relax, thats all.. but noo i gotta have some major problem all the time...
what the hell reasons you cant control your own mind i dunno.. it just takes detours or something on its own.. this is so stupid
i cant think hours are going by... days... i just woke up... where am i at all day... or what the hell..
i might be in hell and this is my torment


the flashbacks are just driving me crazy too... i must be broken...
i wanna come back to earth now please
sorry ... i really dont want to write here but i dunno why...
just makes me feel like maybe its part of the trick making me feel like just deleting it all and ignoring everything..
urgh, it is killing me
please forgive me... stupid stupid.. im just .. well whatever.. my brain has run out of gas hehe..

dunno what the point of writing here is... feel like such an idiot

i hope yall dont think im really retarded.. dunno why im like this right now but its just difficult to focus...
this is why i shouldn't be talking to anyone...



ill regret this post later im sure...
but whatever.. maybe if i get the stupid out of my system...?