I'll preface this by saying that I'm not in crisis, but...



I am living in poverty, disabled, unable to help myself or get out. I'm mainly homebound. I have crippling anxiety/agoraphobia, but every professional I see treats me like I'm just making trouble for them. I don't even have a primary care doctor right now because I don't have a car and can't "shop around" for one.

I am in so much physical and mental pain. I may be passing a kidney stone, but I don't dare go to the emergency room because they'll think I'm just trying to score opioids. (I have never been a drug abuser, and I never will be.)

I just don't think life is worth living anymore. In fact, I'm certain everyone around me will be much happier without me. My partner can move on and get with someone he doesn't have to provide nurse care to. My landlord can rent to someone who doesn't complain about the neighbor's dog all the time. The world can go on not caring, and maybe my benefits and Social Security money could go to someone who can actually do something with thir life.

I don't deserve all this, but I'm being punished nonetheless. I must deserve it, then. Otherwise, I can't think why. I can't sleep, but when I do, I wake up a few hours later and hate the fact that I didn't "go" while I had the chance. Life is nothing but misery.