I just graduated from an all girl high school yesterday. And i regret everything that i did since 7 years ago, involving school and friendship.

I have low self esteem, i look outgoing, cheerful and loud for some people, and rude to 'popular' and 'dominant' people (because i suddenly freeze and become awkward around them).
I love social media, like ig and snapchat. And when i saw my friends posts of graduation day, and how they upload happy looking pictures with their gang of friends, i felt really depressed. I really want a group of girls i can hang out with, very badly. My hands have been shaking this whole day, only because of thinking of all that.

The thing is.. I also have quite lots of friends. And idk but some people told me, i have lots of fans (my juniors). But i still think of myself as a loser, and i'm never comfortable with myself to the extent i want to get over this life. I want to be them so badly, i want to have friends i can have fun with. I want to enjoy my youth. I'm always afraid looking at ig and snapchat because i know my day can suddenly become ruined, for an unclear reason. The question is, why?... i really don't understand

Btw, please don't say that i'm overthinking about all of this.. I tried lots of things to fix this, believe me i went to therapist and all that. They all just say i'm fine. The thing is, this emotion only happen when i encounter or see my school friends, it's like a i have trauma or something i'm not fully aware of. Anxiety mixed with broken hearted feelings, deep regret, guilt, lonelyness, etc. This emotion is also stuck with me for over 6 years, currently i'm really fed up by my own emotions because i just couldn't control it.