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Thank you, JustShakey. I'm trying. I am surprisingly calm in the fact that it is not my fault. I think me and my siblings might have caused tension, but I know the problems were already there before we had these problems. It's just hard to see my mom in pain. I just wish I could take it away from here. And, at this point, my mom says she just wants him to figure it out so she can get on with her life. It hurts, but this way, she can heal.
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There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life. 
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