To me it feels as though I am already dead, close to death, or wishing I was dead. Simply to not exist. I feel this often. I don't cry much. I can't eat or move hardly and I feel like I'm spread really thin. Motivation is non-existent, as is any inkling of hope or sense of self-worth. My whole life basically revolves around trying to distract myself from or treat my feelings/sensations/emotions. On a physical level, I have almost constant heart palpitations, headaches, nausea. I do feel like I'm drowning.

I don't know about anyone else but I have a pretty hard time deciphering whether I'm manic or depressed, as I have symptoms of both at the same time every day. I don't sleep enough, can barely move, cognitive functions are sluggish, yet my heart races and my mind is flooded with strange thoughts that cause me distress.