You're only being punished if you believe that someone out there is doing the punishing. As a non-believer, life is just random. Everyone has some struggle and obviously billions in this world have daily, existential problems. I guess that's
What unites us I our humanity - we all struggle and we're all aware of it. I wish I had some words of wisdom - I'm in the same place, except I don't believe that I'm being punished - life is just is what it is. Hang in there is all I can say and I hope you'll escape from this someday.