I basically realized how I managed to cope so long socially isolating myself was I paid psychics to basically tell me my life will be okay. I never realized that I would be paying someone was because I was lonely and had managed to push away all my friends and even tried to my entire family. If you think about it that is very sad and I feel sorrow that I would be causing that kind of pain to myself when I know how much I value my friendships and family so much. It kind of makes me wonder if this is how I am punishing myself for things not turning out better. That's sad.