Hi Clapper,
Thanks a lot for sharing and Welcome! In my opinion, depression can "start" in different ways and we, as humanity, do not know the mechanisms of depression exactly, yet. But, to me, once it is installed, depression "has a life on its own". Depression is a mental health condition that does not discriminate by nationality, age, gender, etc. And regular people do not understand it. Regular people's advice about depression is useless and, sometimes, even harmful. Sometimes even regular doctors do not know much about depression and underestimate its powerful consequences. I cannot tell you if you have depression . All I can tell you is to trust your gut. You feel that there is something wrong here, that yours is not just sadness. Well, despite other people's interpretation of your behavior, go ahead and look for help. Get informed, participate in this forum, take quizzes, eventually, talk to a counselor, if you want. Here, I found good advice and support, I think you will find them, too.
Please, keep posting. I am sending you a hug