I dont know why im writing here, maybe to feel less alone, maybe hoping someone can help... i dont know...

i keep falling apart, falling into depression more and more, and i only get to the bare minimum out of it, i get to keep my mouth out of the water by going back to my negative coping techniques (SH, drinking, pills)

im scared... feeling guilty, frustrated... like someone is wrippping my heart out. when will this end?

and do i really want it to end? its kind of part of my identity. am i making any sense here?

i talk about this with my T but nothing comes out of it.
thanks