Quote:
Originally Posted by Anrea
The marriage didn't start going bad a week ago, and it isn't all because of some other woman - whether he is cheating or not. I divorced my first husband (of 10 years) 16 years ago, and I am still figuring out what I did wrong. I thought it was all him, it wasn't. And don't tell your children it is all Daddy's fault.
The two of you need to agree to certain behaviors in front of the kids. Certain lines you won't cross. You want to raise them, does he? Try to find middle ground and meet half way. Not because you believe the marriage will be over, but because if there is any chance for any happiness in future you need to work together and be respectful of each other. Divorce turns every emotion into a battle, and every word can become a knife. Sheathe your blade. In trying to use everyone you can to force your husband into submission you are (in his mind) probably disrespecting everything he has asked you over the past week. Just space, time and room to think. Instead you have swooped to control and smother. Nothing is over until it is over. Back off and make your home a sanctuary, not a battle ground. One day can become two, then three.
The divorce process brings out the worst in people. Try to be a good person, but also remember, your children need both of you and neither one of you are due them, or own them.
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We already have a custody agreement: me: Fri to Mon, him: Tues to Fri. If it weren't for the house, we could settle out of the courts (we may still). Whether or not he is seeing a different woman is still my concern. He hasn't yet filed for divorce and he is still living in our home. I am fully aware that our marriage is not over because of another woman; it is over because of my illness and nothing I could control. He got fed up with it. But, the divorce was still a major shock to me. That said, the hatred is coming from him, not me. And, he needs to know that this divorce is HIS CHOICE and not my fault. I don't want it in the least. He also needs to understand from a christian perspective and christian and family invention, that he is outside of God's will and that God will not bless this. It doesn't matter to me if it makes him mad; he is already PLENTY mad at me. This will have little impact on that.
I have not swooped to control. The ball is in his field. He won't even touch me because he doesn't want me to think things have improved. Plus, he has been entirely rude and sarcastic concerning this other woman. I know he still loves me but that he is done. I am deeply still in love with him still and am heartbroken, despite the emotional abuse I have taken for a long while.
That said, we don't usually fight; it is mostly him being cold-hearted and me crying and believing everything he puts on me. We agree that our relationship will be a cordial one (he thinks his misery is solely my fault and that ending it will end his perpetual anger) and that we will remain friends through it all. I would never intentionally put anything on my children. They are already going to lose some of their innocence through this divorce. I don't want them to lose more from the things I say. I hope my husband is on board; he says he is.