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Originally Posted by runlola72
Thanks Petra5ed-
I wonder about this childhood trauma stuff too. Like, is there a point? Or should I bury it and move on? I think this may be my last attempt in therapy, and then I will do just that. I have a good feeling about this T, like he is so knowledgable and professional, has 40 years of experience as a psychologist, a researcher, a professor...so he has seen a lot and knows a lot. I have talked to him a bit about boundaries, and he has assured me that he is essentially buckled in for the ride (my words not his, but basic gist the same). I am going to ask him about why he might refer a client out, and let him know that is a fear of mine. I don't think he's likely to do that, however, because of being new to the area and not knowing many people. He could not, for example, give any recs on a good psychiatrist. So I think unless things got super uncomfy for him, he would stick it out with me. And honestly, I am not the type to be outwardly clingy. I am hyperattuned to cues from other people and if I sense he is getting uncomfortable I would back way off.
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I think there is a point, yes, but therapy may not be the only route and it might not be for everyone. IMHO when you have abuse as a child you become overwhelmed with defense mechanisms and generally stop connecting with others at the same level as a "normal" person would. Being more closed means we go inside and bury stuff which is liable to erupt later when triggered. For example, I used to be triggered into crying by certain things and it has led to public embarrassment a few times. Just imagine a shelter dog opposed to a dog raised in a home from a puppy. The shelter dog is just never quite the same.
Therapy first was very painful, and still is painful, but it has slowly caused me to open up and now I'm opening up with more people finally. And having this connection and just getting stuff off my chest helps me to not ruminate and feel so depressed. We are social animals, and trauma can cause that social part to be badly damaged... therapy cant remove the past, but it can repair you to have healthy relationships and fulfilling connections with others.