View Single Post
 
Old Nov 09, 2004, 01:26 AM
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover eskielover is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 25,079
Hi Wendy,

I actually posted some under the "older" thread where I read that post of yours before this. I just wanted you to know that I have read this post also.

I can really feel for you, being diagnosed with gastroparesis, & thyroid problems. It always seems that there is a trigger that can start the anorexic thinking, then boom....it's there. It is amazing how we can justify our eating patterns...like I'm losing it slowly, my blood tests came back ok at the Dr, my cloths are really starting to look good on me...especially those button front jeans I couldn't even get into a few months ago (of course, they are almost too big now), or my weight isn't too thin (after all, I still fit into a size 3). I actually came to a realization the other day when I tried on a dress from when my anorexia was so bad the last time. It fits again. I bought it in the Jr department & really loved it. It was for showing my dog in a Beverly Hills Dog Show, spagetti strap lace with short jacket & not a bulge even without nylons. Oh yes, I missed the dog show because I was in the hospital with a central line getting nutrition dripped into me because I had passed out. Oh Oh, I am either almost at the weight I should be satisfied with or I'm in trouble. Oh yes, to top that off, I started to get sores where I sit on my saddle so I had to find my padded bike shorts from last time to wear under my riding pants. I think these are signs that I'm trying not to listening to. I can really relate to your wrinkly lose skin. I was surprised when I looked into the mirror the other day & noticed the wrinkles...where did they come from?

Unfortunately, I can't talk about my weight loss because many people know about my previous problem. I have casually mentioned that I had lost some weight & they said that they noticed but were afraid to mention it considering I have previously had an issue with my weight.

I can totally relate to your restaurant experience. Luckily, I don't have enough money to eat out, but if I did, I would probably take home enough food for a month with my left overs.

I too was surprised how much I freak out when I see a pound go back on the scales. I get a lump in my throat & a determination not to eat until it goes away.

I have the Dr's that want to help & are trying hard to figure out how to get me to want the help. I still think I can handle it myself when it comes right down to it. I mean, it's logical. I want to be well for my new little baby horse. I can't go a day without being with her. I also have to complete a new plan of study for another degree so I can find a career so I can support myself & make it to retirement. I also am at a point where I am working with my other horses & that takes alot of energy. I need to be well when I take on my new alone lifestyle & the complete care of my 11 eskie dogs. I just can't allow myself to be anything but healthy...so it says in my lifes handbook...now will I listen? Probably, but just not right now.

I understand your situation which wavers between ok thoughts & the not ok thoughts. I guess the key to recovery is to make sure that the OK thoughts WIN soon rather that when it is harder to recover.

There are a few of us here that are going through what you are, so welcome to the forum, & to psychcentral

Debbie
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018