I took a death and dying class led by a minister who had a doctorate. One thing he said was that we are not truly adults until both our parents are dead. I ponder this alot, as I have been estranged from mine for many years, since I was 15 and they don't really matter to me.
I suspect you have many issues (obviously) with your parents. Parents can be toxic. All you can do is work on the person YOU are, and don't perpetuate the cycle. The negativity you express tells me you have some work to do. I wish you the best in your journey.