So... I’ve been seeing my therapist, "Cat," for about half a year. A few months ago, I realized that I have feelings for her (and at some point I told her). I generally am able to manage my feelings for her pretty well and don't feel that they significantly interfere with therapy. I think that Cat is an excellent therapist for me, I'm very grateful for the dynamic that we have, and I've been able to achieve certain things with her that I have not with other therapists.

However... I think my feelings for Cat have triggered certain issues (in regards to my sexuality, gender identity, and self-esteem), and I've noticed a direct correlation between how badly I'm feeling about myself and how bad I feel about my feelings for her. There are moments when I do struggle with a lot of guilt and shame. I would really like to be able to manage these feelings better because I do not want to completely switch to a new T and I do not think that it would currently be in my best interest.*

I've tried to be very mature and realistic about the situation, but I feel like I need some guidance dealing with certain aspects. Cat has been very kind and gracious about everything and I've talked to her about certain points, but I think it might be helpful (and less embarrassing) to talk in detail with someone that isn't Cat about Cat. Very shortly, I will be traveling back to the country that I used to live in (I'm just going for a 2 week visit), and I thought that it might be a good idea to meet with the therapist that I used to see over there and talk to her about my feelings.

I talked to Cat about me meeting with this therapist. She thinks it’s a good idea. I also talked to her about if somehow after the appointments with that therapist, I still feel like I need to temporarily meet with someone here in this country, how she would feel about it, and she agreed that would be fine. She also said that she understood if we took a break from seeing each other because of the financial expenses it would take to cover meeting with her and a new therapist at the same time.

Does anyone have experience working with a different therapist to help process/manage their feelings for their main therapist? I know this might sound a little complicated, but trust me, Cat is worth it.

*Of course, if at some point it seems that it truly would be best for me to start seeing a different therapist, I will try to be responsible and make the right choice, even if it is very painful for me. That being said, I've already seen a number of therapists over the years, and I think that finding the right one(s) can be a bit of a miserable process. Cat is too valuable to me as a therapist to lose her over this.