I've lost SOs because of both mania and depression. either I'm a total *** when I'm manic and drive people away (I know exactly what to say to hurt someone the most) or when I'm depressed and don't want to do anything and they think that's a reflection on them. and the divorce rate for those with BP is alarming (makes me feel hopeless). like you said I wouldn't want to date me either.

I've actually dated another BP I with mixed symptoms (same as me). it was hell, I didn't understand the illness at the time and she didn't tell me she had it till years after we had broken up.

Best of luck to you with your current situation though, but I know exactly where you're coming from and its rough...