I have this too about my parents mainly but it seems now after fighting it so much through suicide attempts to have calmed down i guess i felt like i wouldn't be able to take care of myself without them as im disabled i also feel like i don't want to feel pain when they die and dying myself would allow me not to feel that so i wanted to kill myself. Now it's changed now i don't want to live because i fear god taking me out by some god awful diseases or car accident id rather take myself out and know

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