I'm not doing too well. Today in therapy feels like a disaster. My T brought up going to every other week. I've been seeing her for years, and she's seen me through a great deal, including several hospitalizations and pretty severe s-i.

The past two sessions have been sort of slow, but that happens sometimes and in the past she's reassured me that it's ok and normal. I've had medium level of depression for the past three weeks after feeling really good for a couple of months. But today she said that sometimes therapy can do more harm than good if patients struggle to come up with things to talk about. She thinks my depression could be an unconscious sign that I unconsciously feel the need to find something to talk about. Again, she didn't say this was deliberate.

Possible trigger here: *********************************************************************************





What really hurts is that two weeks ago, I had a very distressing dream about my T and I and doing sexual things. It was super hard to talk with her about, but I managed. And I felt good that we were able to talk about the meanings and how it could relate to my history and my feelings. I didn't agree with all that she said, but that's normal. My depression has taken a little dip, but nothing major, although this is the first time it's happened since my bipolar became controlled with new med.

A couple of months ago, I self-injured with boiling water. In the late fall, I was hospitalized with a suicide attempt.

My T is a psychiatrist and it feels like we finally got the meds working. A major medication change happened, but it was very slow titration.

There's a lot of other things, but I don't want to write a novel. I was able to express my feelings and she agreed that dropping down wasn't a good idea, and actually, for one of the first times ever, suggested trying to meet once more this week.

I'm really hurting about this. I'm embarrassed by my reaction and what I feel like is neediness. I want to quit on her before she can quit on me. BPD traits coming out.

I've got to stop writing because I'm about to cry and my dd is upstairs and my dh will be coming home any minute.