So, here's my advice that is based solely on personal experience and you can take it any which way you wish:
First, drinking has to go. I'm an alcoholic and I've fallen off the wagon enough times to know how hard you can hit that ground, and how bad it feels after several times of getting taken the hell out. Alcohol is a depressant and there's no point in trying to get better with that crap in your system because it just won't allow it to take place.
Second, the medication gives you an extra boost but its not a cure-all by any means. In order for it to have any real benefit to you, you have to fight for it. That includes working out, eating right, maintaining personal hygiene etc. These things release natural endorphins.
Third (and could've been in the second), you got to see somebody. I've always thought that I was very self-reflective and aware. I thought that a therapist would simply tell me what I already knew. Well, the thing about depression is that it clouds your judgment and natural human survival instinct. It breaks you down by making you feel overwhelming emotions of anger, despair and/or a state of emotional numb. Most people think that depression just means that you're really sad, that's a bunch of bull. The fact is that depression is crippling in the way you perceive things and your motivation (I don't think you're lazy, I think you're depressed, there's a difference).
As for your past, you can only forgive yourself and strive every day to become better. Everyone has a different way of accomplishing this.
Now, with everything I just told you, this is what I've learned to be true and what I've been advised myself. Do I follow it to perfection? No. I fall off the reservation so often I make my own head spin. I try, though.
What else can I do?
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