I feel exactly like that, except driving is about the only thing I can do well enough to get around. Everything else I suck at. I have trouble getting along with people because one day I can remain calm and patient and the next day I can't. Sometimes I seem to be right on cue when it comes to being sensitive to other's feelings and other times it seems like I'm offending everyone and making them mad and I don't mean to. I just can't always keep my mouth shut when people say offensive things. Some days I know how to deal with it appropriately and other days I sound too harsh when I speak to them and I'm overly emotional. I've been asking God all of my life what my purpose is and can't seem to find anything I am good at. I'm on disability, but I'm not stupid or crazy. I used to make good grades but chronic health problems or whatever else is wrong with me that I inherited, makes it hard for me to think well enough to do much. I want to find something I can study and be good at but I search and search and it eludes me.

Everything I consider seems to be something I think I could never do and not because I lack confidence, but because I realistically look at what I have been capable of over the years. I can see what problems my mental disability causes and not sure I am fit for anything but have the desire to try something, even if it's hard and I fail. If I could just find something I like well enough, I thought maybe it would inspire me to want to work hard to become something, but I have no clue what that is.

You would think after praying about it for years now, I would know by now but I don't. Sometimes I feel like God created me to be nothing more than a person that can't do much of anything so I will forever have to contend with people that hate me for it so I will learn some kind of life lesson and have to show them love anyway. I can find no other purpose in life other than this. Either that or somewhere down the line I ruined myself so I will forever suffer for it.

I haven't had any kind of romance for many years either. I won't settle for someone not good for me, but I don't feel like I have accomplished enough for anyone to be interested in me that I feel is worth dating. Plus I am trying to get well first so I will be healthy enough to have a relationship. I feel like I need to do something with my life first but I don't know if I can ever do that so I just keep taking it day by day doing what I can.

I try to take care of the housework and help my daughter out with my new granddaughter. If I could hold down a good job then I think I could help them out better so I am back to square one and the reason I got on the computer tonight in the first place was to get some good ideas but it still eludes me. Hope things get better for you. I am sure we all have some kind of purpose. I just wish I could figure out mine. I wish I was more capable than living off the government to support myself because I am disabled. Most people don't understand that. It makes me feel awful and people mistreat me for it, but I've had difficulties that make holding down a job seem impossible to me. Thanks for letting me vent. Don't give up hope and I won't either. I have to keep believing my God is powerful enough to do something with someone like me in Jesus' name, Amen.