that is the problem with putting your self-worth and self-esteem in material things and people. posessions and people can be destroyed. Thus destroying what you call your identity. My self-worth comes from a higher spiritual being in knowing that there is no better or worse in human, we are all equal in God's eyes. Others put their self-worth in strong principles and values, they too can not be destroyed.

However we are trained from birth in a dysfunctional society that your material achievements and posessions are what determines your self worth. Are you better than the next guy is all it is asking. It's sad, you have my sympathy dear wife.

As for your 4 year old, being that age and not having a healthy male role-model is devastating to the childs view of what the male human is. Yes she can tell that something is wrong, and no she doesn't know why, so she blames herself. Children at that age feel that everything wrong that happens in their world is their fault. They don't understand that daddy has problems of his own. What is seen are gods that define right and wrong. As long as your husbands condition doesn't stay that way for the next couple of years though then it your daughter will be fine.

In whatever you decide to do, remember to keep yourself healthy first, before your husband and your child. Don't give your child a model of woman that might cause her to sacrifice herself for a relationship when she's 16 years old. Everything you do is shaping her core view of self at that age. Show her your loving relationship between you and your husband, and show her how to heal the unhappiness.

Hope some of this helps,
Shaddix~