((( pink )))

Yeah I know the whole medication issue hard and it's very personal too. Very frustrating trying to find the one/ones that will help. You just want to feel better.

I wanted to share too what someone shared with me once when I was battling suicidal ideation frequently. I had given it a try once, obviously unsuccessfully!, a year before she told me this---that suicidal thoughts are quantifying--they are a way of saying *how much* pain you are in and *how much* you are hurting. This, along with the idea that 'thoughts are just thoughts' that don't have to be acted on, has helped me so much when I start thinking that way again.

Sometimes I can just let those thoughts be ways my mind, soul, inner child, or whatever/whomever are trying to get my attention about something, to acknowledge something lurking and causing me pain so much that I want to take myself away from it, run from it. Suicide is the ultimate taking myelf away, running away. So, when I can, if I can slow down, then I'll try to see it as metaphorical.

I don't know if that makes sense for you or not.

Just sharing what works for me sometimes.